What Actually Is BDSM

BDSM is an acronym that stands for Bondage/Discipline, Dominance/Submission, and Sadism/Masochism. While some people view these desires and practices as abnormal or irregular, they aren't anything weird. These practices are simply part of the normal spectrum of human desires, arising from our experiences just like any other desire.

These dynamics are not new; they have existed across cultures and time periods forever. The difference today is that we are likely more informed about our intention and impact while exploring BDSM: we use clear frameworks built on boundaries, negotiation and consent.

Shadow Work and Self-Acceptance

BDSM offers a safe container for our shadow: those parts of ourselves we rarely celebrate or show to others. Through kink, we grant permission for the hidden parts to surface: the desires we judge as too intense, too dark, or too vulnerable.

Giving these parts space to exist is a powerful step toward self-acceptance. When you allow your full self - not just the comfortable parts - to play in a safe, consensual container, you are affirming that all of you is allowed here. This practice also extends to holding space for your partner's shadow, allowing you to witness the sides of them they typically keep hidden.

The Somatic and the Psychological Core

BDSM is deeply somatic. It explores how pain and pleasure can intersect, how the body responds, and how intense sensation can anchor us firmly in the present moment.

However, the physical action isn't the core of it. For a lot of us, the true draw is psychological. The practice can be about playing with emotions, dynamics and the parts of ourselves and others we may be afraid of or carry shame around. The psychological turn on of playing with these parts can be super intense.

Practicing Today

Today, BDSM is practiced within defined frameworks: clear negotiation, established boundaries, and ongoing consent. Communities prioritize safety, address behavior that crosses lines, and look out for each other.

This is an invitation to explore your full self, safely and responsibly. Your so-called "weird" desires? They are simply human. Always have been.