Is shibari always sexual? What is the difference between shibari and kinbaku?
I’ve been practicing shibari for 5 years now, and while I wouldn’t call myself an expert, I’ve learned enough to share the basics and why this practice is so captivating for so many people.
Shibari, or kinbaku, is a Japanese form of rope bondage rooted in hojojutsu. It has transformed over time from a method of restraint into an intimate and creative practice of connection, trust, and expression.
The words shibari and kinbaku are often used interchangeably and they could mean the same thing. I have noticed some people use kinbaku when they are talking about a form of shibari that is more erotic and emotional, but I use both terms to express the same meaning.
At its core, shibari is the act of binding or restricting the model (the one being tied) by the rigger (the one doing the tying). It can be done with different intentions, different dynamics, and in different ways. It may take place entirely on the floor, or some parts of the body may be tied to furniture or anchor points on a wall. Suspensions, which are quite typical of shibari, usually involve the body being lifted off the ground using specialized rigging points.
While shibari can be erotic, it’s not necessarily sexual. I very rarely bring sexual energy into my tying sessions, though it sometimes happens - especially with partners with whom there’s strong sexual chemistry. For me, shibari is primarily intimate and erotic. It can also be playful, artistic, meditative, or deeply emotional. For some, it’s about the aesthetics and the beauty of the forms created with rope; for others, it’s about the sensations, the dynamic of surrender and control, or the deep connection with a partner. Being tied can evoke specific emotional responses in the model (fear, shame, excitement, etc.) and a wide range of physical sensations (from pain to discomfort - though occasionally you’ll find people who tie for comfort, this is very rare). These emotions and physical sensations (in some cases pain) are common for practices like semenawa, where surrender and endurance play a big role. These moments can push you beyond your comfort zone and create transformative experiences - but only if trust and communication are firmly in place.
At its essence, shibari is about togetherness, connection, and intimacy—a shared journey where both partners contribute to the experience. Despite the seemingly fixed roles of rigger and model, it’s a co-created exploration of trust and vulnerability.
For me, shibari is an intimate and liberating experience. Few things feel as intimate as surrendering control and building a shared energetic space with someone you trust completely.
The best way to learn shibari is through workshops. They’re interactive, safer, and offer real-time feedback from experienced teachers. If you want to experience shibari with me - as a path to pleasure, trust, and deep connection - check out my workshops, private sessions, or private lessons here:
