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Welcome to Day 1 of Rediscover Desire. I am excited you are here. Let’s begin the journey of returning to your body, your desire, and your erotic self.
🌿 Before we rediscover anything, we begin with what is. Today is about checking in—with honesty, compassion, and no pressure to be anywhere else.
Go through these questions and answer them honestly. Write them down and keep them somewhere accessible. Hopefully, your answers will evolve as we move through this journey. Let yourself respond slowly. There are no right/wrong answers.
What is the truth of how you feel about sex right now? Let go of how you think you should feel. What is real, raw, and honest in this moment?
What’s your relationship with eroticism today? Do you feel connected to your erotic self? Is it dormant, alive, confusing, numbed, exciting?
Do you currently experience sensual moments in your day-to-day life? (Think: the feel of fabric, music that moves you, dancing in your kitchen, savoring food.)What are they, and how often do they happen?
What are the conditions that make it easier for you to feel desire? Being alone or with someone? Emotional closeness or mystery? Stillness or adventure?
What shuts down your desire? Is it stress? Feeling needed? Routine? Resentment? Guilt?When was the last time you felt truly turned on—physically, emotionally, energetically? What was happening? Was it with someone else, or alone?
What does pleasure mean to you, beyond sex? Do you allow yourself pleasure? Where do you limit it, if you do?
How do you feel about receiving pleasure? Does it feel easy? Guilty? Vulnerable? Unsafe? Do you find yourself giving more than receiving?
What do you believe your desire should look like? Who taught you that? Where did that belief come from?
Have you ever felt ashamed of your desires, or lack of desire? If yes, whose voice is behind that shame?
What are the reasons you say yes to sex? What needs are you hoping to meet?
Are those needs met?
After you’re done, take a few moments to notice how you feel. What sensations are present in your body? What emotions are arising after this moment of reflection? Stay with whatever is there - don’t rush into your day. Give yourself a few more minutes to simply experience.
Let's bust a myth - that "healthy" desire is always there. Desire is not fixed. Desire is fluid.
It’s shaped by stress, life circumstances, shame, emotional connection, your relationship, your nervous system … how you feel about your body, about sex, about your partner. Everything.
Sometimes you wait for the storm to pass before feeling desire again. Sometimes you just need a reminder of what it feels like … which is what we’re doing here.
We’ve absorbed so many myths:
- Wanting less sex than your partner means something’s wrong with you
- You should want sex all the time without connection or intimacy
- Sex is penetration
- You should orgasm every time
- Not wanting penetration or the same sex you've been having for like forever, means you have zero desire for everything erotic and sexual
This is all bullshit. Cultural scripts rooted in shame. Scripts that we were taught to believe.
Let’s strip those myths of their power - here’s what’s actually true
- Your desire is natural and evolving. It changes with big life events and small everyday things. What you ate this morning. How rested you are. Is your partner annoying you right now. This is normal.
- Most women experience responsive desire - desire that needs play, connection, intimacy to show up. Not broken. Just how our desire works.
- Intimacy between sex is needed. The flirting, hugs, the kissing … so important to feel connected to desire. Yet missing in so many couples. We’re expected to go 0 to 100 in minutes when we haven’t experienced intimate moments that make us feel desired. Desire is like a muscle - needs stimulation and practice.
- The reality of living together kills desire. Routine, everyday problems, sharing the same house … Making sure you have what brought you together - dates outside, adventure, SPACE, your own life - keeps desire alive. As Esther Perel says: desire needs space to breathe.
- Society sees sex as penetration. This is far from truth. There are so many other types of erotic pleasure, sexual satisfaction, and connection. So much more than 5 minutes foreplay, 10 minutes penetration. Not wanting this 15-minute “sex” makes total sense.
- Goal-oriented sex kills desire and makes getting an orgasm harder. When we put pressure on ourselves to orgasm, we often get stuck in our heads with questions like "Am I taking too long?", "Why can't I cum?", "Are they bored?". Which is definitely not helping to get an actual orgasm. But pleasure doesn’t equal orgasm. What happens if you enjoy sex for pleasure without focusing on the final goal?
After reading this, write down 3 myths you believe about sex. Has believing them helped somehow? Stopped you from experiencing something? Which ones can you let go of?
Today we're turning toward something that's often underneath our relationship with sex... shame. It shows up when we try to enjoy ourselves, when we want to ask for something, or even when we just think about what we like. For many of us, it’s been there for a long time.
In Bulgarian, even the outer labia are called the lips of shame. That says everything.
Many of us learned that wanting sex or being curious about our bodies wasn’t okay. Sometimes directly: don’t touch yourself, nice girls don’t do that, sex is for men, your job is to endure, masturbation is wrong.
Sometimes more subtle… the discomfort in our parents’ faces, the lack of conversations, jokes or silences that taught us what was acceptable.
As women, we’re caught in a double bind. Wanting sex? You’re “a slut.” Don’t enjoy it? You’re “frigid.” Be sexy but not too sexy. Feel shame when you are "supposed" to feel desire. Then blame yourself for not being able to “just let go.”All those beliefs change the way we experience sex. Instead of being present with pleasure, we’re in our heads. “Is this okay?” “Do I look weird?” “Are they enjoying it?”
We focus on performance, getting it right, not being too much. And forget to actually feel.
Shame doesn’t just block desire… it keeps us from recognizing what we want. Makes us second-guess ourselves. Stay silent when we want to speak.
Makes asking, receiving, initiating, or even just enjoying feel complicated or impossible.
This is why working with shame is so important to get to know your desire. Here is an audio practice to meet your shame here. After finishing it, stay with yourself for a few minutes and reflect on the experience.
Body image quietly shapes how we experience sex and intimacy. Most of us carry insecurities... feeling too thin, too thick, noticing what we've been taught to hide. We're surrounded by curated perfection on social media. Easy to slip into comparison. But even women with "ideal" bodies feel insecure too - about scars, bellies that don't look flat enough, wrinkles forming.
We've all been taught impossible standards. This narrow image of beautiful or sexy that was never real to begin with. I haven't met a single woman completely satisfied with how she looks.
And that dissatisfaction doesn't stay at the mirror... It shows up during sex. Not as direct thoughts, but as distraction. Being stuck in your head. Wondering if your partner sees your cellulite, if your body looks strange from this angle, if you're moving "sexy enough."
You're no longer present with touch, sensations, pleasure available to you. That internal commentary pulls you away from your body ... into anxiety and disconnection.
One of the most powerful shifts you can practice in this moment is coming back to sensation.
To notice the chatter in your mind, and then gently turn your attention toward your body - how it feels, not how it looks.What does the touch feel like? Can you soften into it? Can you breathe deep into the pleasure instead of holding your breath?
This practice won’t erase body shame overnight, but in small moments, it can help you return to yourself.Longer term, healing your relationship with your body requires intention.
Here are a few things that can support that process:
Reframe your beauty standards: Open your social media and unfollow three to five people who make you feel smaller, inadequate, or insecure about your body. Then follow three to five people whose bodies look more like yours, and who are embracing themselves unapologetically.
Shift your focus from how your body looks to what it does: Admire your strength, your flexibility, your sensitivity. Pay attention to the pleasure your body can give and receive. This can bring you so much more joy and sensuality than how your body appears from the outside.
Move and touch your body regularly: Dance, stretch, walk, self-massage. Whatever brings you back into contact with your physical self in ways that feel nourishing or playful.
Notice what you do like about your body: So many of us focus only on the parts we’ve learned to criticize. Start to build a different relationship by noticing what you enjoy or appreciate. Your practice for today will invite you into exactly this kind of noticing. To simply see and enjoy the parts of your body that you like. Here it is.
Tomorrow, you will receive a practice for introducing breathwork as a tool for pleasure and presence <3
Body image quietly shapes how we experience sex and intimacy. Most of us carry insecurities... feeling too thin, too thick, noticing what we've been taught to hide. We're surrounded by curated perfection on social media. Easy to slip into comparison. But even women with "ideal" bodies feel insecure too - about scars, bellies that don't look flat enough, wrinkles forming.
We've all been taught impossible standards. This narrow image of beautiful or sexy that was never real to begin with. I haven't met a single woman completely satisfied with how she looks.
And that dissatisfaction doesn't stay at the mirror... It shows up during sex. Not as direct thoughts, but as distraction. Being stuck in your head. Wondering if your partner sees your cellulite, if your body looks strange from this angle, if you're moving "sexy enough."
You're no longer present with touch, sensations, pleasure available to you. That internal commentary pulls you away from your body ... into anxiety and disconnection.
One of the most powerful shifts you can practice in this moment is coming back to sensation.
To notice the chatter in your mind, and then gently turn your attention toward your body - how it feels, not how it looks.What does the touch feel like? Can you soften into it? Can you breathe deep into the pleasure instead of holding your breath?
This practice won’t erase body shame overnight, but in small moments, it can help you return to yourself.Longer term, healing your relationship with your body requires intention.
Here are a few things that can support that process:
Reframe your beauty standards: Open your social media and unfollow three to five people who make you feel smaller, inadequate, or insecure about your body. Then follow three to five people whose bodies look more like yours, and who are embracing themselves unapologetically.
Shift your focus from how your body looks to what it does: Admire your strength, your flexibility, your sensitivity. Pay attention to the pleasure your body can give and receive. This can bring you so much more joy and sensuality than how your body appears from the outside.
Move and touch your body regularly: Dance, stretch, walk, self-massage. Whatever brings you back into contact with your physical self in ways that feel nourishing or playful.
Notice what you do like about your body: So many of us focus only on the parts we’ve learned to criticize. Start to build a different relationship by noticing what you enjoy or appreciate. Your practice for today will invite you into exactly this kind of noticing. To simply see and enjoy the parts of your body that you like. Here it is.
Tomorrow, you will receive a practice for introducing breathwork as a tool for pleasure and presence <3
